Interesting Day

Well Steve finally got to feel his first 2 earthquakes today. The first one was a 4.0 and the second a 3.8. They were short ones and only really rocked the house for 2 seconds for the one that came in the afternoon and 5 seconds for the one in the evening. I had just finished cooking dinner and Steve and I had just settled down to eat when the last one occurred.

Gaming Issues

I have finally come to a decision on a few of my gaming addictions, I need to cut a few down and pretty much try to limit myself. I find a few things that I have enjoyed over the years becoming too overwhelming. I became depressed when I could no longer pay for my World of Warcraft account, I tried the whole free to play thing with Blizzard but they limit you so much it makes the game really a pain to play. Also the game is causing massive lag issues on my system, a old game like WoW if they want to keep players active, they need to start thinking more customer friendly and believe me I have spent the time to talk with Blizzard on occasion to not forget the little guy on the dual core computer that constantly blue screens when they try to enjoy their gaming experience. To that I was told those people just need to get better computers. Yeah like it is that easy to just throw away hundreds if not thousands of dollars on a new computer just to play a game that dates back to 2004. Which hasn't changed too much since its release. I mean they did try with Cataclysm but it left me with thinking they could have done so much more with the story line and the changes to Azeroth. Also what in the hell were they thinking when they put in Archeology, as a paying player I could never get myself to even level it past the early stages. Now the introduction to cash shop items that are bind on equip, is taking things a little bit too far. I feel if they want to go that route they might want to rethink their game and perhaps start working towards an Allods or Perfect World set up. At least in Perfect World you can actually purchase stuff with your achievement points. With WoW all you have is a number by your name in the armory! Oh soooooo cool!

After being called an idiot by someone also, I have decided that things have to change. Because perhaps that person is right. I know that I will probably subscribe in the future, but for now I truly can't fathom playing as a restricted player. Hanging with friends, is a good thing and I will miss that, but if people want to contact me they know how to find me. For now I will say adios to all my characters on the Azjol Nerub server and will end up playing on Astral til things change. Idiot or not I have to face the music, bite my lip and just press on. Sadly in this day and age gaming to me is a luxury that sometimes you just have to yank from the budget.

Temptations

Today as I flipped through all my emails in hopes to find some good news about possible job interviews or just one of those little pick me up feel good ones that a friend or a family member will throw out to me once in awhile. Well of course today had to be that day when the Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas had to beg me to come back with this chance of a lifetime deal!!! 4 days for the price of 2 (must include one weekend day for price) Wow! So in all actuality, it would probably be cheaper just to pay for 4 straight nights during a weekday, due to prices on the weekends being in the range of $175 to $250 a night! But wait, they are going to throw in 2 tickets to their aquarium and free access to their pool. (uhhhh motel 6 across the street has a free pool, and if I want to see fish, I bet there is a local Petsmart down the road with tropical fish. One cannot forget that Motel 6 always keeps the light on for you.) Ok folks, yeah I understand that taking a vacation is what calms stresses of the working stiff and if you have the cash on you by all means you earned it, TAKE IT!

Then of course there was that one Vip special Ruth's Chris Menu for a 3 course meal. Yes, when I worked and made a decent living on the money that I brought home a treat to Ruth's Chris was nice. But now, when you can barely scrape together enough food to last through the month, ads like these can kinda depress you a bit. It brings me back to the days where I lived practically carefree.

After I threw myself that little pity party for one wishing for all the shit and crap I can't afford, I started thinking again about the stuff I do have. Clean drinking water for one, a comfortable place to sleep at night, and the support of a select few friends. What more do I need? Why wallow in self pity on the stuff you dont have, you got to pick yourself up dust yourself off and keep on trying. I dislike having to lean on people for help.I would rather be the person lending that helping hand.

Long Time No Post

Can't believe it has been over a year since I last posted on here. Revisiting Blogger is for me like visiting that old friend that seems to beckon you back into their world. What has changed for me, lately? Well not very much the pains of all my loss still draws a lot of my energy away, depression and anxiety tends to be my greatest foe. I surround myself with things that make me feel safe and sheltered. I am a pretty quiet person now that gets panic attacks when I hear slamming doors, or people yelling at each other. Triggers that can be so bad that it feels as if my heart is leaping out of my chest. In my mind I know I am not having a heart attack but when these occur that strange feeling catches you off guard.

Lately I have been feeling something that almost feels as if I am grieving the loss of something important, but I have no idea what it could be. I know for a fact, I do happen to miss a lot of my friends that I used to chat with online and it seems that only a select few actually made an attempt to keep in contact with me. To those friends I really appreciate all that you have had to deal with during my bad bouts of anxiety. Believe me I know that being a part of my life isn't easy, I tend to frustrate Steve a lot, but he still stays with me. To the others, well I know for a fact I will see a lot of em again, and of course since the majority are all gamers, I will catch each and everyone on various MMO's or even just on a simple Zynga game that has pretty much everyone under their wing.

I spend my time doing things that I enjoy, I love talking to almost anyone who will give me the time of day online. I think sometimes a few folks regret even opening that door to me, others well, I have made some real awesome friends, some that have really helped me through this trying time in my life. Right now I tend to feel as if everything is falling apart around me, As I drive past the streets where I call my temporary shelter, (my friend who happened to care enough not to see Steve and I go homeless house,) I see so many that have so little living in tent cities,or just on the street that have truly started to give up on life. Most are in desperate need of medical care but due to the lack of jobs or any means to take care of themselves, people turn a blind eye to em. Sadly I can't do that. I may have very little, but I feel if there is something I may have that may bring a little sunshine into someone else's life I give it. I have no cash, but I do what I can even though it might not be much.

I am still unemployed and fighting for work. I never thought I would be out of work this long. Back last year if you were to tell me that at this point I still would be at the point of struggle, I wouldn't believe you. In my day if I got laid off from some where within six weeks I would be back up on my feet. A year ago I took a great loss, all my possessions, all my pets, everything pretty much ripped from my life. My dream totally crushed in front of me.

Most of my time has been spent in front of a computer looking for jobs or trying to escape the reality that is my life. Right now some of that escape has been yanked away from me. But I make due with what I have. I am actually thankful for what I have.

Since I lost all my stories that I used to read to my nieces when they were young. I am going to start the long process of rewriting everything again. Some good memories were within those worlds, some that if in the future I have my own children I would like to pass down to them.